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Shawn
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Shawn" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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04:16 pm
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2 sides to 1 person
Today I've been putting a lot of thought into the 2 halves of me that make up my persona. The rational, thoughtful, "good" side of me, the non destructive part of me that keeps me on the "right" path. And then there's the self-destruct, incomplete, disc-funkt side of me that continues to self sabotage every effort I put into getting my life going down the right path.
It's only correct to address the negative side of me which seems to be uncontrollable at times where I don't need this side of me at all. It's weird, kind of like it takes over and before I know it the damage is done.
I don't want to list the many examples because personally I know what I mean and am getting at. I however, need it to stop, I need that half of myself purged and destroyed, if not, nulified. So that I can finally conquer all the personal entrapments and demons that have been plaguing me since I learned to reflect.
How? Is the question...
I need to find the answer.
Shawn
Current Mood:  calm
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02:16 pm
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Doing something I love vs doing what I have to
In America, the dream we all have is waking up to do something we have a passion for versus the nightmare - going to a dead end job, dealing with a commute we loathe, with bosses we want to kill on a daily basis, all the while not getting the proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise we need.
With that said, my deepest desire right now is the dream of going pro - in poker...At this point I am no where near that venture but it doesn't mean I can't prepare myself for perhaps taking that leap one day.
I would like it to be in the next 2 years, so that my time (which I value most) can be used doing something I love, and going to school. Im not saying this isn't possible at my current job (going to school).
But how grand would it be to wake up and not have to rush out the door, start my morning with a nice hearty breakfast, go to my local gym work out for 2 hours, take a stroll outside and enjoy the weather, then head to school for classes, then come home and play poker to grind out an income.
For some they are already living this type of lifestyle. Other's will be the cynical and say it's not possible because of this, this and this. People always love to tell you something isn't possible because they themselves are afraid of the unknown.
- Anything is possible if you apply yourself-
All the technical, logical, analytical, and people skills you need in poker can be learned.
Anyhow, I must end my entry for today. I have to go back and work.
Shawn
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11:45 am
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Soo there might be a God afterall...
Hmm, weird journal entry, but just wanted to note something about today. I was at the bus stop this morning, sweating my ass off from the muggy heat, and waiting on a bus that is ALWAYS fuckin late, not reliable at all. It was 11:10 and I am supposed to be at work at 11:30.
So I am kinda panicking because I CANNOT be late to my job, just not an option, not even 1 minute. So I literally called on God for some kind of miracle, and not even 2 mins later a guy in a van pulled up and gave everyone his shuttle flyers for transportation.
I kid you not, then I was like sir how much would it cost to get me to my job (king st) and he said 5 bucks, lo and behold that's exactly what I had on me in cash!
So long story short, I got here today with 2 mins to spare, no thanks to va public transportation, Governor Paine better get with it, on his plan to improve the public transportation.
Shysti
Current Mood: cheerful
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06:11 pm
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Great weekend
I saw Stacy this weekend for the 1st time in what seemed forever, part of me still feels for her, but I think it's too late to say whether or not my decision was correct in the long run.
She dropped off Victoria, and it felt so great to see my little baby. We played all night, even though she was just getting rid of a pink eye. Then the next morning we got up early and went to the zoo. The day was ruined however, after stacy arrived early to find summer in my place.
She didnt ask why just assumed and I didnt even explain because there is no reason for me to. If she wants to be immature about everything then so be it.
I bought a lot of things for my apartment also, and it took me 4 hours to assemble my desk and chair, and its not all that stable but thats what you get for 49 bucks at walmart lol.
Anyhow, I am seriously missing my children and family. I really have to plan a trip home, its not natural to not see your mother for how long its been for me.
Anyhow, nothing new on the front, just going through the motions until I get on top. Don't stop dont stop lol
shysti
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06:09 pm
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old draft
Today, started like any other day. I made it to work on time, and then it happened. I recieved an email from my son's mother, finally! And she sent me pics of my son!!!
I cannot describe the joy I feel of just seeing his face again. A piece of me was missing until now. This only motivates me even further to continue on this path that I am on, so that one day we will be reunited, as father and son.
I love my daughter to death, I love both of my children, I never knew being a father could be this rewarding and fulfilling until now. I want to strive to be even more of a father to both my children, even though I am not with either of the mother's any longer.
It was a very hard decision for me on whether to move on down the path I am taking without Stacy. I had to ask my heart and mind what the right thing was for me to do. I know she will never understand, but I have to do whats right for my life, in order to ensure a life for my chlidren.
Now I will work hard everyday, save money, send my children money so that they can be taken care of, and plan some trips to see my son, and hopefully so they can meet my mother, their grandmother.
Anyhow, I just wanted to write down my very joyous day, even though words truly can't describe how I feel right now. Maybe things will finally start to turn around and I can walk the path I had started so long ago before I strayed.
Shawn
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04:06 pm
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Feeling Complete...almost
Today, started like any other day. I made it to work on time, and then it happened. I received an email from my son's mother, finally! And she sent me pics of my son!!!
I cannot describe the joy I feel of just seeing his face again. A piece of me was missing until now. This only motivates me even further to continue on this path that I am on, so that one day we will be reunited, as father and son.
I love my daughter to death, I love both of my children, I never knew being a father could be this rewarding and fulfilling until now. I want to strive to be even more of a father to both my children, even though I am not with either of the mother's any longer.
It was a very hard decision for me on whether to move on down the path I am taking without Stacy. I had to ask my heart and mind what the right thing was for me to do. I know she will never understand, but I have to do whats right for my life, in order to ensure a life for my children.
Now I will work hard everyday, save money, send my children money so that they can be taken care of, and plan some trips to see my son, and hopefully so they can meet my mother, their grandmother.
Anyhow, I just wanted to write down my very joyous day, even though words truly can't describe how I feel right now. Maybe things will finally start to turn around and I can walk the path I had started so long ago before I strayed.
Shawn
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: kelis - love is like the mafia
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01:11 pm
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So it's mah birthday
I turn 28 today, birthdays are weird for me. I don't celebrate them like everyone else, instead I take this day each year to reflect on my life, to be alone, to sorta meditate on the fact that I am alive.
It's a good feeling, and a very calm day for me each year. I try to settle any chaos that is found during this reflection, and understand where I am headed in life.
Today is a good day
shawn
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12:08 pm
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It's been a while..
Since I've made an entry on here. Not much has been going on, other than some things I need to straighten out in my life in order to be happy and focused enough to achieve some goals. I am sorta in a rut at the moment in certain areas of my life, but I forsee those things becoming a thing of the past soon.
I'll type more later.
Current Mood:  lazy
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05:28 pm
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Shawn out west?
I've been thinking a lot lately relocation once again. I've lived on the east coast most of my life, and it's been set in my heart to live out west before I settle into a particular place. I want to have a scope of both sides of America before I decide to plant my roots.
With that said, I'll be doing my normal research about my possibilities and options for my family.
Shysti
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12:35 pm
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I want to break free
Self realization is one of those things that you hits you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it. When one is reviewing his own life, and going over the many of habits, being good or bad that one forms over a lifetime, one can only measure his self worth by his actions and decisions in life.
With that being said, I have some many vices and issues that I need to correct and eliminate in my life. I hate being human sometime, being the creature we are, we often fall into habits, and they either affect our lives in a positive manner or a negative one.
Right now all the negative ones are weighing me down, shackles if you will. I figure you can choose to accept them (bad) and let your life go on the way it is, and wonder why you haven't advanced in any particular aspect of your life (definition of insanity by the way) or you can change, change your habits, and see where it takes your life.
My vices, and bad habits, this list will be on going:
1. Not enough sleep - I was one of those kids who were afraid they would miss something when they fell asleep, I have yet to grow out of this, so that I can perform at a 100% throughout my day. Right now, I am lacking food and sleep, operation level = 38%...
2. Spending so much money on misc shit! - I am horrible at this, a coffee here, a little thing here...it adds up!
3. Not executing my goals- I am the master when it comes to writing out my goals, making a plan to accomplish them, but never executing, which is just as equally if not more important than the other steps! A shrink would say this is self defeating, and I am afraid of success, he/she may be right...
4. Punctuality- I don't think I've ever had a flawless attendance record consistently (that being the key word, because I have had a good attendance record plenty of times)...maybe for school, but not consistently for work, this has to change, my livelihood and way of life depends on this.
5. Ignoring areas of my life that require attention- my body is screaming "I need you to lead a healthy lifestyle, which includes proper nutrition, exercising regularly, and getting proper sleep! Why can't you do these 3 simple things to ensure we live long enough to aid our children in anything that we may need to be there for!!" And I reply "I don't know", lame I know, this is a work in progress. My self image is screaming "Get new clothes you damn minimalist, you aren't Moby!" ha-ha, this is sad but true, my wardrobe needs a definite overhaul, but I abhor shopping, long as I have clothes on my back I am fine, but deep down, there is a fashionable me screaming to get out.
That's all I can think of now, I need to eat...
Shawn
Current Mood:  hungry
Current Music: Queen - I want to break free
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11:39 am
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Hallo Moto
It's been a while since I've posted on my little journal. I guess there hasn't been much to write about. Just working, paying bills, and living. I try to have purpose and moving towards goals, and for the most part I am. But as it stands right now I am just living.
Great! I just dropped a strawberry on my white dress shirt here at work lol. Anyhow, as I was saying I have to get things in order, my goals, etc. I've been really thinking about poker a lot lately. It's so interesting in life when you want something so bad, and you know you are mentally capable of achieving it, it's just a matter of how you go about getting it. The brain is an amazing thing, because it adapts, it learns, and it conquers problems that you present to it.
The problem presented now is getting my brain to think on such a level that it makes me a consistent winner in the tournaments I play. Don't get me wrong I don't do bad, I finish in the top 10% but that's not enough for me. I want final table finishes, I want first place finishes, I want more so than that is to think on that level that is above me at the moment. That's the problem presented to my brain, and it's a problem I am currently working on.
Well I need to get back to work and write a list of things to do
Current Mood: good
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11:57 am
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Good Morning Journal
Good Morning!
Had a splendid weekend, spending quality time with my daughter while mommy worked all weekend. She is growing up so fast I don't know what to do hehe. Nothing much has been going on at the moment but I'll post when there is something signficant going on in my life. Still working on the college issue.
shysti
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07:27 pm
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My Space.com
So today whilst being bored at work I decided to finally work on MySpace account and give it some flare. Little did I realize like all my friends who I've shared so many great memories with are all on there!
Like DUH Shawn lol!!! So I went an addin everyone, hopefully they'll add me. I do miss everyone, the parties were just parties, but it was everyone who made it special for me! The massive amounts of conversations and laughs we've shared couldn't be replaced by anything for me.
I miss those days...but it's fun to see everyone moving on with life, things happens in cycles anyhow. Like Bob Marley said "Good friends we have and good friends we lost along the way"...
Anyhow, I dedicated the song on my page to everyone that knows me and I consider a great friend.
Shysti
www.myspace.com/shystiden
Current Mood:  confused
Current Music: Wish you were here by Pink Floyd
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05:13 pm
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Damn Hurdles I swear!
Ok Rant time,
I feel a bit chaotic! Ok I was THIS close to finally starting college THIS CLOSE! And I am now told I can't start because of my marriage to Leah, and that since she didn't file her taxes for 04, they can't grant my financial aid when it was this close to being oked!
Secondly, things with Stacy continue to urk me, I need to get my chakras aligned and get these hurdles out of my damn way. I told Leah I want a divorce like pronto, and she was laughing saying no! I am pissed, she isn't taking this seriously about me needed her to at least file her taxes for 04. I need to figure out what I can do, because I refuse to let her fuck me for my damn bachelor's degree!
God Im pissed right now...
Current Mood:  pissed off
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05:31 pm
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I have a new Poker Blog! Sad day though
This is a happy/sad day for me.
BUZZLIFE SAYS GOODBYE TO NATION NIGHTCLUB
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: March 21, 2006
FOR MORE INFORMATION: Amanda Huie, 202.338.3640, amanda@buzzlife.com
BUZZLIFE SAYS GOODBYE TO NATION NIGHTCLUB
WASHINGTON, DC - On July 16th 2006, after a decade of Buzzlife events,
Nation Nightclub will close its doors. The building will soon make way
for development as the southeast waterfront is restructured in
preparation for the recently approved baseball stadium.
"While we are saddened to see our home of so many years close, this is
a very exciting time for Buzzlife. Our time in DC is no where near its
end and we have exciting things planned for 2006 and beyond," remarks
Scott Henry, president of Buzzlife Productions.
Nation was originally named The Capitol Ballroom and opened its doors
in 1996 under the management of Cellar Door Productions. Buzzlife
began throwing the flagship event 'Buzz' in October of the same year.
In 1998, ownership transferred to Primacy Companies and the then
warehouse venue was transformed into a muli-level superclub that would
soon host every major electronic act in the world. In 2003, Buzz
revamped its musical style and reopened as Cubik.
Buzzlife and Nation have won awards from major industry publications
across the world. Nation was awarded the title of 'Best US Superclub'
and Buzzlife, 'Best Event Promoter.' This made Buzz and Nation a
destination for the top DJs in the industry and a milestone up for up
and coming Washington DC area DJs. Over the years, every 'Top 100 DJ'
as named by BPM Magazine, the leading electronic music publication in
the US, has performed at a Buzzlife Event at Nation.
Upcoming Cubik events -
March 23rd – THE PRODIGY (live!) | ADAM FREELAND
March 24th – SCOTT HENRY | FABIO <------------------GOING
March 31st – BUZZ IN BLACK | LEE BURRIDGE | RKM Performance <------------------GOING
April 7th – JUNKIE XL (live!) | STANTON WARRIORS
April 14th – INFUSION (live!) | BASSNECTAR
April 21st – ICEY | DJ RAP <------------------GOING maybe..
April 28th – DANCE CONTEST | GRANDMASTER FLASH | BASSBIN TWINS | DYLAN <------------------can't go got a wedding to go to :(
May 5th – JOSH WINK | DONALD GLAUDE <------------------GOING
May 12th – PAUL VAN DYK <------------------GOING
May 19th – ANDY C | MC GQ | EAST COAST BOOGIEMEN <------------------GOING
May 26th – CONCORD DAWN + more TBA
June 2nd – THE CRYSTAL METHOD | DJ DAN | HIVE <------------------GOING
June 9th – STEVE LAWLER <------------------GOING ZOMG!!
June 23rd – JOHN DIGWEED <------------------GOING
June 30th – PLANET OF THE DRUMS w/ DIESELBOY | DARA | AK1200 | MC MESSINIAN
For more information on the events listed, visit www.buzzlife.com.
-30-
Notes to the editor-
For press credentials to any of the listed events, contact amanda@buzzlife.com.
In addition to hosting Cubik each Friday, Nation is an excellent
concert venue and home to two other award-winning weeklies. Saturdays
play host to Velvetnation, a gay dance event, created and operated by
John Guggenmos and Ed Bailey. Thursday nights have been home to
Alchemy, one of the country's largest weekly parties catering to the
darker realm of club land and features goth and industrial music.
But on the brightside those line ups are just sick!! It is sad to say good bye to such a memorable place, I wish I had it all on video, all the great moments sigh...
I started a new Poker Blog inspired by the folks over at FTR, who I am growing quite fond of.
You can find it here: http://shysti-poker.blogspot.com/
So that means I'll do my poker business there as far as blogging is concerned, and life here!
It all works out!
RIP NATION 7-16-06 , fucking baseball stadium...grrrr
Current Mood: aggravated
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12:12 pm
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Great Weekend, Great game!
This weekend was great! I relaxed a lot, and I had my daughter all to myself this weekend while mom worked at the hospital!
We played, took her bath, a walk etc. It felt great having quality time spent with my little one. Then I played in a private tourny on stars from the great people over at flopturnriver.com, who are definitely helping me improve my game!
The thread can be found here http://www.flopturnriver.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=30927
We started with 19 people, at first I was a bit intimidated because these are folks who make great money at poker, far more than I have, but then as the game progressed I realized I can compete with them!
At one point I was the chip leader and that felt great but I got busted right before the final table on this hand:
PokerStars Game #4343100348: Tournament #21252983, Hold'em No Limit - Level IV (50/100) - 2006/03/19 - 15:50:50 (ET)
Table '21252983 3' Seat #5 is the button
Seat 1: shysti (4530 in chips)
Seat 2: DJ Newman (4400 in chips)
Seat 5: staresy (3765 in chips)
Seat 8: lambchopdc (1720 in chips)
Seat 9: K 2the ArmA (515 in chips) is sitting out
lambchopdc: posts small blind 50
K 2the ArmA: posts big blind 100
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to shysti [Ad 9d]
shysti: raises 200 to 300
DJ Newman: raises 600 to 900
staresy: folds
lambchopdc: folds
K 2the ArmA: folds
shysti: calls 600
*** FLOP *** [9h 8c 8d]
shysti: bets 3630 and is all-in
DJ Newman: calls 3500 and is all-in
shysti said, "wow"
*** TURN *** [9h 8c 8d] [6s]
*** RIVER *** [9h 8c 8d 6s] [3c]
shysti said, "nh"
*** SHOW DOWN ***
shysti: shows [Ad 9d] (two pair, Nines and Eights)
DJ Newman: shows [Jh Jc] (two pair, Jacks and Eights)
DJ Newman said, "ty"
DJ Newman collected 8950 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 8950 | Rake 0
Board [9h 8c 8d 6s 3c]
Seat 1: shysti showed [Ad 9d] and lost with two pair, Nines and Eights
Seat 2: DJ Newman showed [Jh Jc] and won (8950) with two pair, Jacks and Eights
Seat 5: staresy (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 8: lambchopdc (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 9: K 2the ArmA (big blind) folded before Flop
After analyzing this, I realized I just didn't pay enough attention to his pre flop raise, when it would of dictated how I played post flop, this small error cost me the tourny. Still it felt great playing with great players instead of your usuals on Poker Stars. I am definitely looking forward to this again.
I came in 10th out of 19 players. Final table consisted of 9 players.
Shysti
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03:28 pm
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Operation: Pyramid $2200
I've decided to take my poker playing more serious starting this year. I have been working with the great people over at www.flopturnriver.com, and they have advised me on a strategy to build my bankroll to reach the goal I have set for myself: which is to play Poker Star's 180 man SnGs exclusively for a while anyhow (I am thinking 3 months).
My strategy, being strictly a tournament player (I will get into ring games as my bankroll increases and I learn more about that beast)is to play 1 table SnGs until I build my bankroll up to play in the 180 man SnG, simple as that, with a few MTT's in the mix, as they are truly my favorite mode of play when it comes to poker.
I plan on starting this mission next week, when I can deposit into my poker stars account and play.
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11:00 pm
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Hey hey hey!
Not much to report, life is still doing great. I am thinking about registering another name on here for a strictly poker journal, to keep track of my winnings and poker career.
Or I just may incorporate it into this journal. Hmm, choices, choices.
shysti
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11:18 am
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Precious Moments
Good Day Journal!
I had a great weekend, spent a lot of time relaxing, and with my girlfriend and my daughter. I have to write in here one of the very 1st true precious moments with my 3 month old.
I was lying on the bed with her, holding her so she could sit up and I was talking to her. She's smiling back, then all of a sudden turns to act like she's biting my stomach, I in turn go oh noo!! And then I laugh. She smiles and laughs, then does it again! I go oh noo and laugh, and she laughs and repeats it!
She's only 3 months old but she was cognitive enough to realize that what she was doing was making me laugh and happy and she kept doing it. This makes me realize how truly aware she really is of us, her surroundings, etc. I love my little one and I just had to share that moment.
She went to her grandmother's last night to spend the night, meanwhile, Stacy and I went to go see Night Watch (Russian fantasy film) in DC.
A lot of people had mixed reviews about this movie, but I loved it! I didn't find the movie dull or boring. It was a great peak into russian culture and fantasy, and I can't wait for the sequels, day watch and dusk watch. I think a lot of americans are too used to the crap hollywood churns out that when they do experience a movie that's totally different and foreign they chalk it up to being horrid.
Anyhow, I definitely recommend the film.
shysti
Current Mood: complacent
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12:06 pm
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Trowe Price
www.troweprice.com
I would like to dedicate this entry to this WONDERFUL brokerage firm. Not only do the excel in customer service, but the products, knowledge, and overall dedication to the consumer has blown me away.
In my quest to rebuild my financial foundation they are slowly becoming a pillar in that rehabilitation. They offer advice on anything from personal financial goals to retirement. And their products and services reflect their dedication and determination to have your money working for you!
I am currently planning setting up my two children's college funds through them. With their automatic asset builder (where you only have to invest with a minimum of only $50 bucks from your account each month) there is no reason for you to stale any longer on retirement, your children's college funds, and your own personal investment goals.
This has been a great learning experience, relearning everything I've forgotten about money.
Just thought I would share!
Shysti
Current Mood:  energetic
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